Aahh, Joan Holloway, she of the cutting remarks, iron clad girdle, and extra strength poise.
She has does have her faults. Bitter racism and spinsterhood aside, we could all stand to learn a few things from Joanie, sartorially speaking.
1. Prints are not sophisticated or sexy. Keep this in mind when dressing for men and when projecting an image designed to intimidate other women. Polka dots are acceptable on rare occasions.
Please note, they must be black, navy, and white only. The smaller the dot, the more elegant the dress. Large dots are vulgar on women over age 25. And never red! Speaking of red:
2. Know your color palette, and stick with it. Joan favors brights and jewel tones, as they work with her fair skin and set off her gorgeous hair. Joan is also not afraid to be the cliched red head in green. Behold:
Clearly there's a reason for the cliche, people.
3. Signature jewelry is a must to finish your look. Joan prefers a necklace, as it draws attention to both the bosom and the face. She often wears the gold pendant seen above. It works with many of her dresses, particularly the boat necks that she is so fond of.
4. Nighttime? Black satin, flawless makeup. Why did you even have to ask? God, she just makes it look so easy, even after her lover has had a heart attack.
5. FOUNDATION UNDERGARMENTS. Confidence to shimmy around the office can be yours. Just zip over to your local department store and the boys will be saluting your well- rounded yet firm derriere. And buying you lunch.
Joan hits it out of the park because she knows what works and she sticks with it. If she follows a trend, you best believe that trend is going to fit into her established color scheme and silhouette. And it better flatter the best parts of her body, her face and her curvy midsection.
This simple fashion manifesto frees her up to continue mincing and shimmying about the office, kicking ass and taking names on a daily basis. Who wouldn't want to do this with such ease?
Next time I'm at the mall, contemplating some murky colored, baggy, trendy item, I'll put it back. Joan would not approve.
